What Is Bullying?
Quick Answer
Bullying is when someone is mean to another person on purpose, and they do it over and over again. It can be hitting, name-calling, spreading rumors, or leaving someone out. Bullying is never okay, and the person being bullied is never the one at fault.
Explaining By Age Group
Ages 3-5 Simple Explanation
You know how it feels really bad when someone is mean to you? Like if someone pushes you or calls you a bad name? That's not a nice feeling at all. Everyone deserves to be treated kindly.
Bullying is when someone is mean to the same person again and again on purpose. It's not just one time when someone is grumpy. It's when someone keeps being hurtful -- like pushing the same kid every day, or always saying mean things to them.
Bullying can be using your hands to hurt someone, like hitting or pushing. It can be using your words to hurt someone, like calling them names or saying mean things. It can even be leaving someone out on purpose and not letting them play.
If someone is bullying you or you see it happening to someone else, tell a grown-up right away. Tell your teacher, your mommy, your daddy, or any adult you trust. Telling a grown-up is not tattling -- it's the right thing to do. Everyone deserves to feel safe.
Ages 6-8 More Detail
Bullying is when one person is mean to another person over and over again on purpose. It's not just a one-time argument or a bad day. Bullying happens again and again, and the person doing it means to hurt the other person.
There are different kinds of bullying. Physical bullying is when someone uses their body to hurt you -- like hitting, kicking, pushing, or taking your things. Verbal bullying is when someone uses words to hurt you -- like calling you names, making fun of you, or threatening you.
There's also social bullying, which can be harder to spot. This is when someone spreads rumors about you, tells others not to be your friend, or leaves you out of the group on purpose. It doesn't leave a bruise, but it hurts just as much.
The person doing the bullying usually picks on someone they think won't fight back. They might do it to feel powerful or because they're dealing with their own problems. But no matter why they do it, bullying is never okay and it's never the victim's fault.
If you're being bullied, the most important thing is to tell an adult you trust. Talk to a parent, teacher, school counselor, or another grown-up. They can help make it stop. And if you see someone else being bullied, you can help by being kind to that person and telling an adult too.
Ages 9-12 Full Explanation
Bullying is repeated, intentional behavior where one person uses their power -- whether it's physical strength, social status, or access to embarrassing information -- to hurt, scare, or control another person. The key words are 'repeated' and 'intentional.' A single mean comment is rude, but bullying is a pattern.
Bullying shows up in different forms. There's physical bullying, like shoving someone into lockers or stealing their stuff. There's verbal bullying, like constant name-calling or mocking someone's appearance. And there's relational bullying, which is using friendships as weapons -- turning people against someone, spreading lies, or deliberately shutting someone out.
One thing that makes bullying tricky is the power imbalance. The person doing the bullying usually has some kind of advantage -- they're bigger, more popular, or part of a group. The person being bullied feels like they can't defend themselves. That's different from two kids who are equal having a disagreement.
If you're being bullied, here's what helps: tell an adult. This isn't snitching -- snitching is trying to get someone in trouble for fun. Reporting bullying is trying to keep yourself or someone else safe. Talk to a parent, a teacher, or a school counselor. Keep telling until someone takes action.
If you see bullying happening to someone else, you have more power than you think. Studies show that when a bystander steps in -- even just by standing next to the person being bullied or saying 'That's not cool' -- the bullying stops most of the time. You don't have to be a hero. Just don't be part of the audience.
Here's something important: being bullied is never your fault. It doesn't matter what you look like, what you wear, what you're into, or how you talk. Bullies pick targets because of their own issues, not because something is wrong with you. And if you've ever bullied someone, it's not too late to stop and make things right.
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Tips for Parents
Bullying can be a challenging topic to discuss with your child. Here are some practical tips to help guide the conversation:
DO: Follow your child's lead. Let them ask questions at their own pace rather than overwhelming them with information they haven't asked for yet. If they seem satisfied with a simple answer, that's okay — they'll come back with more questions when they're ready.
DO: Use honest, age-appropriate language. You don't need to share every detail, but avoid making up stories or deflecting. Kids can sense when you're being evasive, and honesty builds trust.
DO: Validate their feelings. Whatever emotion your child has in response to learning about bullying, acknowledge it. Say things like 'It makes sense that you'd feel that way' or 'That's a really good question.'
DON'T: Don't dismiss their curiosity. Responses like 'You're too young for that' or 'Don't worry about it' can make children feel like their questions are wrong or shameful. If you're not ready to answer, say 'That's an important question. Let me think about the best way to explain it, and we'll talk about it tonight.'
DO: Create an ongoing dialogue. One conversation usually isn't enough. Let your child know that they can always come back to you with more questions about bullying. This makes them more likely to come to you rather than seeking potentially unreliable sources.
Common Follow-Up Questions Kids Ask
After discussing bullying, your child might also ask:
What's the difference between bullying and just being mean?
Everyone has bad days and says something unkind now and then. That's being mean, and it's not great, but it's not bullying. Bullying is when the mean behavior is aimed at the same person, happens again and again, and is done on purpose. It's a pattern, not a one-time thing.
Why do bullies bully?
There's no single reason. Some bullies have been treated badly themselves and take it out on others. Some want to feel powerful or popular. Some don't realize how much they're hurting people. None of these reasons make bullying okay, but understanding them can help you see that it's about the bully's problems, not yours.
What should I do if I'm being bullied?
Tell a trusted adult right away -- a parent, teacher, or school counselor. Try to avoid being alone in places where bullying happens. Don't fight back physically, as that usually makes things worse. Save any evidence like mean texts or messages. And remember: you don't deserve this, no matter what the bully says.
What if the bully is my friend?
Sometimes friends can become bullies, and that's really confusing. A real friend doesn't repeatedly put you down, embarrass you, or make you feel bad. If a friend is treating you this way, it's okay to tell them how you feel. If they don't stop, it might be time to step back from that friendship and talk to an adult.
Will telling an adult make the bullying worse?
Many kids worry about this, but in most cases, getting an adult involved is what makes the bullying stop. A good teacher or counselor will handle the situation carefully. If you're worried, tell the adult that you're afraid of things getting worse, and they can take extra steps to protect you.
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