What Does Estranged Mean?
Quick Answer
Estranged means that family members who are related have stopped talking to each other or spending time together. It's like a long, serious break in a relationship. Someone might say they are estranged from a parent, sibling, or other relative, meaning they haven't been in contact for a long time.
Explaining By Age Group
Ages 3-5 Simple Explanation
You know how sometimes you and a friend get upset with each other and don't want to play for a little while? Maybe someone grabbed a toy or said something mean, and you need some time apart before you feel better.
Well, sometimes grown-ups in a family get upset with each other too. They might have a really big argument or hurt each other's feelings badly. When this happens, they might decide to stop talking to each other for a long, long time.
When family members stop talking and don't see each other anymore, we say they are estranged. It's a big word that means they are staying away from each other. You might hear someone say, 'I don't talk to my brother anymore.'
It can be confusing when grown-ups in your family don't get along. But it's not your fault, and it doesn't change how much people love you. Even when adults have problems with each other, they can still love you with their whole heart.
Ages 6-8 More Detail
Have you ever heard someone say they don't talk to a certain family member? Maybe your mom doesn't talk to her sister, or your dad never visits his dad. When family members stop having a relationship with each other, we call that being estranged.
Estranged is a word that means 'no longer close.' Imagine two people who used to be in each other's lives but now act almost like strangers. They don't call, don't visit, and might not even send birthday cards. It's like a really long time-out, but for grown-ups.
There are lots of reasons family members become estranged. Sometimes there was a big fight that never got resolved. Sometimes one person did something that really hurt the other. Sometimes people just grow apart and stop keeping in touch over many years.
If someone in your family is estranged, it might seem weird or sad. You might wonder why Grandpa never comes to Thanksgiving or why you've never met your uncle. It's okay to ask your parents about it, and it's okay to feel confused.
The most important thing to remember is that grown-up problems between adults are not your fault and not your job to fix. You can still love all the people in your family, even if they don't love each other right now.
Ages 9-12 Full Explanation
Estranged is a word you might hear when adults talk about family members they no longer have a relationship with. If someone says, 'I'm estranged from my father,' it means they and their father have stopped communicating and no longer have a connection, even though they're related by blood.
Family estrangement happens more often than people realize. Studies suggest that a huge number of families deal with it. It can happen between parents and children, between siblings, between cousins, or between any relatives. It's one of those things people don't always talk about openly, but it's surprisingly common.
The reasons behind estrangement are usually complicated. Sometimes it's caused by a major betrayal or a pattern of harmful behavior. Sometimes family members have very different values or beliefs and can't get along. Sometimes divorce splits a family, and people take sides. And sometimes the reasons go back so far that the younger family members don't even know the full story.
If your family has estrangement, you might have questions you feel awkward asking. Maybe you wonder why you've never met a certain relative, or why your parent gets quiet when a name comes up. It's completely okay to ask about it in a gentle way. You might say something like, 'Can you help me understand why we don't see Uncle Mark?'
You might also feel caught in the middle sometimes, like you have to choose sides. You don't. It's possible to care about people on both sides of a family disagreement. Your relationships with your relatives are your own, and as you get older, you may decide for yourself who you want to keep in touch with.
Some estranged families eventually find their way back to each other, and some don't. Both outcomes are okay. What matters is that the people in your life right now -- whoever they are -- treat each other with respect and love.
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Tips for Parents
Estranged can be a challenging topic to discuss with your child. Here are some practical tips to help guide the conversation:
DO: Follow your child's lead. Let them ask questions at their own pace rather than overwhelming them with information they haven't asked for yet. If they seem satisfied with a simple answer, that's okay — they'll come back with more questions when they're ready.
DO: Use honest, age-appropriate language. You don't need to share every detail, but avoid making up stories or deflecting. Kids can sense when you're being evasive, and honesty builds trust.
DO: Validate their feelings. Whatever emotion your child has in response to learning about estranged, acknowledge it. Say things like 'It makes sense that you'd feel that way' or 'That's a really good question.'
DON'T: Don't dismiss their curiosity. Responses like 'You're too young for that' or 'Don't worry about it' can make children feel like their questions are wrong or shameful. If you're not ready to answer, say 'That's an important question. Let me think about the best way to explain it, and we'll talk about it tonight.'
DO: Create an ongoing dialogue. One conversation usually isn't enough. Let your child know that they can always come back to you with more questions about estranged. This makes them more likely to come to you rather than seeking potentially unreliable sources.
Common Follow-Up Questions Kids Ask
After discussing estranged, your child might also ask:
Does estranged mean the same as divorced?
No. Divorce is the legal ending of a marriage between two people. Estrangement is when family members stop talking and having a relationship. However, divorce can sometimes lead to estrangement. For example, after parents divorce, a child might become estranged from one parent.
Can estranged family members become close again?
Sometimes, yes. Some families reconnect after years apart. It usually takes one person reaching out, and both sides being willing to talk and listen. But it doesn't always happen, and that's okay too. Not all relationships can be repaired.
Is it my fault that my family members are estranged?
No, absolutely not. Estrangement between adults is caused by adult problems. Kids are never the reason. Even if the estrangement started around the time you were born, it's because of issues between the adults, not because of you.
Why don't people just say sorry and make up?
It's a good question, and sometimes it seems that simple from the outside. But the problems that cause estrangement are usually very deep and painful. It's not like a small argument over whose turn it is. Sometimes people need space to feel safe, and sometimes too much hurt has built up over many years.
What should I do if a friend asks about a family member I'm estranged from?
You can share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. It's fine to say something simple like, 'We're not really in touch' and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone a detailed explanation about your family.
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