Why Do Some Families Have Two Moms or Two Dads?
Quick Answer
Some families have two moms or two dads because those parents fell in love with each other and decided to build a family together. Love is what makes a family, and two moms or two dads love their children just as much as any other parents. Families come in all different forms, and what matters most is that the people in them care for and support each other.
Explaining By Age Group
Ages 3-5 Simple Explanation
You know how families come in all different shapes? Some kids have a mom and a dad. Some have just a mom or just a dad. And some kids have two moms or two dads! That is because sometimes a woman falls in love with another woman, or a man falls in love with another man, and they decide to become a family together.
Two moms can have kids just like any other parents. They might adopt a child, or one of them might have a baby. Two dads can become parents through adoption too or by having someone help them have a baby. No matter how the family started, those parents love their kids more than anything.
A family with two moms or two dads does all the same things other families do. They eat dinner together, go to the park, read bedtime stories, celebrate birthdays, and take care of each other. The love in their home is the same love in any home.
If you know a kid with two moms or two dads, they are just a regular kid with a regular family. You can be their friend and play with them just like anyone else. Families look different from one another, and that is a good thing — it means there are lots of different kinds of love in the world!
Ages 6-8 More Detail
Some families have two moms or two dads because those two people fell in love with each other and decided to build a life together, including having kids. Just like a man and a woman can fall in love and get married, a woman can fall in love with another woman, and a man can fall in love with another man. Love does not follow one set of rules.
Two moms or two dads become parents in different ways. They might adopt a child. One of the moms might carry and give birth to a baby. Two dads might use a surrogate, which is a woman who helps them by carrying the baby. However the child arrives, those parents are just as much a family as anyone else.
Families with two moms or two dads do all the same things other families do — cooking meals, helping with homework, driving to soccer practice, setting rules, and showing up for school events. The kids in these families grow up just like other kids. They have the same needs, the same feelings, and the same experiences as everyone else.
You might hear some people say unkind things about families with two moms or two dads. If that happens, it is important to remember that all families deserve respect. What makes a good family is not whether the parents are a man and a woman — it is whether the people in the family love each other, treat each other well, and take care of one another.
If you have a classmate with two moms or two dads, just treat them like you would treat anyone else. They are a regular kid with a family who loves them. You do not need to ask nosy questions or make a big deal out of it. Just be a good friend.
Ages 9-12 Full Explanation
Some families have two moms or two dads because those two people fell in love, committed to each other, and decided to have children — just like any other couple. Being attracted to someone of the same gender is a natural part of human life, and when same-gender couples want to become parents, they find ways to build their families through adoption, surrogacy, or other paths to parenthood.
Research on families with same-gender parents has been clear and consistent: kids raised by two moms or two dads do just as well as kids raised by a mom and a dad. They perform the same in school, have the same quality of friendships, and grow up to be just as healthy and happy. What matters for a child's well-being is the quality of parenting — love, stability, support, and guidance — not the gender of the parents providing it.
Families with two moms or two dads face some challenges that other families do not. They sometimes deal with prejudice, judgmental comments, or even laws that make things harder for them. Their kids might occasionally get questions or teasing from peers. These challenges come from outside the family, not from within it. Inside these homes, the love and parenting are the same as anywhere else.
If you have two moms or two dads, you might occasionally encounter people who do not understand or accept your family. That can be hurtful and frustrating. Remember that there is nothing wrong with your family — the problem lies with the people who are being judgmental. Surrounding yourself with friends and community members who respect your family makes a big difference.
If your friend has two moms or two dads, the best thing you can do is treat their family the same way you would treat any family. Do not make it weird, do not ask intrusive questions, and definitely stand up for them if someone makes a rude comment. Being an ally to families that look different from yours is one of the most meaningful things you can do.
Families have always come in different shapes — single parents, grandparents raising grandkids, adopted families, blended families, and families with same-gender parents. What makes a family is not a specific structure — it is the love, commitment, and care that the people in it share. Two moms or two dads are simply one of the many ways a family can be built, and every form of family deserves respect.
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Tips for Parents
Some families have two moms or two dads can be a challenging topic to discuss with your child. Here are some practical tips to help guide the conversation:
DO: Follow your child's lead. Let them ask questions at their own pace rather than overwhelming them with information they haven't asked for yet. If they seem satisfied with a simple answer, that's okay — they'll come back with more questions when they're ready.
DO: Use honest, age-appropriate language. You don't need to share every detail, but avoid making up stories or deflecting. Kids can sense when you're being evasive, and honesty builds trust.
DO: Validate their feelings. Whatever emotion your child has in response to learning about some families have two moms or two dads, acknowledge it. Say things like 'It makes sense that you'd feel that way' or 'That's a really good question.'
DON'T: Don't dismiss their curiosity. Responses like 'You're too young for that' or 'Don't worry about it' can make children feel like their questions are wrong or shameful. If you're not ready to answer, say 'That's an important question. Let me think about the best way to explain it, and we'll talk about it tonight.'
DO: Create an ongoing dialogue. One conversation usually isn't enough. Let your child know that they can always come back to you with more questions about some families have two moms or two dads. This makes them more likely to come to you rather than seeking potentially unreliable sources.
Common Follow-Up Questions Kids Ask
After discussing some families have two moms or two dads, your child might also ask:
How do two moms or two dads have kids?
There are several ways. They might adopt a child. One of the moms might carry and give birth to a baby using a donor. Two dads might work with a surrogate, which is a woman who carries the baby for them. Some same-gender parents also have children from previous relationships who become part of the new family.
Is having two moms or two dads different from having a mom and a dad?
The day-to-day experience is very similar. Kids still have parents who cook dinner, set rules, help with homework, and show up for school events. Research shows that children of same-gender parents grow up just as healthy and happy as other children. The love and parenting are what count.
What should I say if someone makes fun of a kid for having two moms or two dads?
Speak up if you feel safe doing so. You might say something like, 'Families are all different, and that is okay' or 'That is not cool — leave them alone.' If the situation feels too big to handle, tell a teacher or another adult. Standing up for others is always the right thing to do.
Why do some people not accept families with two moms or two dads?
Some people hold beliefs — sometimes based on religion or cultural traditions — that families should only have a mom and a dad. While people are allowed to have their own beliefs, using those beliefs to be unkind to others is not okay. Every family deserves to be treated with basic respect and dignity.
Can kids with two moms or two dads turn out fine?
Yes. Years of research confirm that children raised by same-gender parents are just as well-adjusted, emotionally healthy, and successful as children raised by opposite-gender parents. What shapes a child is the love and support they receive, not the gender of the people giving it.
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