How to Explain Miscarriage to a Child

Ages 3-5 Simple Explanation

You know how sometimes you plant a seed in the dirt and you water it and wait, but it just doesn't grow into a flower? Sometimes something like that happens with babies. A baby was starting to grow inside Mommy's tummy, but the baby's body wasn't able to keep growing.

You know how everyone was excited and maybe you were getting ready to be a big brother or big sister? It's really sad, but the baby isn't going to come home. That can feel confusing and upsetting, and it's okay to feel that way.

You know how sometimes things happen that nobody planned and nobody wanted? This is one of those things. It's nobody's fault. It's not Mommy's fault, it's not Daddy's fault, and it's definitely not your fault.

It's okay to feel sad, and it's okay to cry. Mommy and Daddy might feel sad too, and you can all be sad together. You can also draw a picture or talk about how you're feeling. Your family still loves you so much, and you can always ask questions when you need to.

Ages 6-8 More Detail

Sometimes when a baby is growing inside a mom's body, something goes wrong very early on and the baby stops developing. This is called a miscarriage. It means the baby won't be born, and the family that was expecting the baby may feel very sad.

If your family told you that a new baby was coming and now they're saying the baby isn't coming anymore, that can feel really confusing. You might have been excited to become a big brother or big sister. It's okay to feel disappointed, sad, or even a little angry. All of those feelings are normal.

One very important thing to know is that a miscarriage is never anyone's fault. It's not because of something your mom did or didn't do. It's not because of something you did or wished for. It happens because the baby's body wasn't developing the way it needed to, and doctors usually can't stop it from happening.

Your parents might be going through a really hard time right now. Your mom might need extra rest, and both your parents might seem sadder than usual. You can help by being patient, giving them hugs, and telling them you love them. And remember, they still love you just as much as always.

If you have questions, it's always okay to ask a trusted grown-up. You might wonder what happened to the baby, or why everyone is upset. There's no question that's too silly or too weird. Talking about hard things can actually help your whole family feel a little bit better over time.

Ages 9-12 Full Explanation

A miscarriage is when a pregnancy ends on its own before the baby has developed enough to survive outside the mother's body. Most miscarriages happen during the first few months of pregnancy, and they are actually quite common. Doctors estimate that as many as one in four known pregnancies ends in miscarriage, although many people don't talk about it openly.

If your parents were expecting a new baby and then a miscarriage happened, your family is probably dealing with a lot of sadness right now. You might have been looking forward to having a new sibling, imagining what they'd look like or picking out names. Losing that future you were excited about is a real loss, and your grief matters just as much as anyone else's in the family.

It is extremely important to understand that a miscarriage is not caused by anything the mother did wrong. It is almost always due to the embryo not developing properly from the very start. Nothing your mom ate, did, or forgot to do caused it. And nothing you thought, said, or wished caused it either.

You might notice that your parents are handling this differently from each other. One might want to talk about it, while the other might get quiet. Some people grieve by crying, and others grieve by keeping busy. Everyone processes loss in their own way, and there's no right or wrong approach. Give your family members grace, and don't be afraid to express your own feelings too.

If you're struggling with your feelings, it helps to talk to someone you trust, whether that's a parent, another family member, a school counselor, or a close friend. Sometimes people in your life might not realize that you're also hurting because they're focused on the parents. Speak up about what you need. Your feelings about this loss are completely valid, and working through them is a sign of strength, not weakness.