What Is a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
Quick Answer
A boyfriend or girlfriend is someone you like in a special way and choose to spend extra time with. It is different from a regular friendship because both people agree they have romantic feelings for each other. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is something that usually becomes important when people are older teenagers or adults.
Explaining By Age Group
Ages 3-5 Simple Explanation
You know how you have friends you love to play with at school or at the park? A boyfriend or girlfriend is kind of like a very special friend, but for grown-ups. It means two people really like each other and want to spend lots of time together.
You know how Mommy and Daddy, or other grown-ups you see, hold hands and are really nice to each other? That is because they are each other's special person. A boyfriend or girlfriend is what people call that special person before they might get married.
You know how you might have a best friend who you want to sit next to all the time? Grown-ups feel that way too, and when they pick one person they feel extra happy around, they might call that person their boyfriend or girlfriend.
You know how right now you love playing games and having fun with your friends? That is exactly what you should be doing! Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is something for when you are much, much older. Right now is the perfect time to just be a kid.
Ages 6-8 More Detail
A boyfriend or girlfriend is someone a person likes in a special, romantic way. It is different from a regular friendship because both people have agreed that they have extra-special feelings for each other. You might hear older kids or teenagers talk about this.
When someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, they usually enjoy spending time together, talking a lot, and doing fun activities as a pair. They might hold hands, write nice notes to each other, or sit together at lunch. It is a way of showing they care about each other more than just as friends.
You might notice kids at school talking about having a boyfriend or girlfriend. At your age, this usually just means they think someone is nice or fun to be around. It does not have to be a big deal, and nobody should ever feel pressured to say they have one.
Having a boyfriend or girlfriend is most common for older teenagers and adults. They have had more time to understand their feelings and know what it means to treat someone with kindness and respect in a relationship.
The most important thing to remember is that whether someone has a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or neither, everyone deserves to be treated with kindness. Real relationships are built on being nice to each other, listening, and respecting each other's feelings.
Ages 9-12 Full Explanation
A boyfriend or girlfriend is a person someone is in a romantic relationship with. This means both people have talked about their feelings and agreed that they like each other as more than just friends. It is a step beyond friendship where two people share a closer bond.
You might hear classmates at school talking about who likes who or who is 'going out' with someone. At your age, this often just means two people enjoy each other's company and maybe text or hang out more than usual. It does not have to look like what you see in movies or on TV.
A healthy boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, at any age, is built on respect, trust, and good communication. Both people should feel comfortable being themselves, and neither person should ever pressure the other into doing anything they do not want to do. If a relationship makes someone feel bad about themselves, that is a sign something is wrong.
It is completely normal if you are curious about having a boyfriend or girlfriend, and it is also completely normal if you are not interested at all. Everyone develops these feelings at their own pace. Some people start thinking about this in middle school, while others do not care about it until much later.
If you ever have questions about crushes or relationships, talking to a parent, older sibling, or trusted adult is a great idea. They have been through it before and can help you figure out your feelings without any judgment.
Remember, the most important relationships in your life right now are your friendships and family connections. Those teach you the skills, like kindness, honesty, and loyalty, that will help you in every relationship you ever have.
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Tips for Parents
A boyfriend/girlfriend can be a challenging topic to discuss with your child. Here are some practical tips to help guide the conversation:
DO: Follow your child's lead. Let them ask questions at their own pace rather than overwhelming them with information they haven't asked for yet. If they seem satisfied with a simple answer, that's okay — they'll come back with more questions when they're ready.
DO: Use honest, age-appropriate language. You don't need to share every detail, but avoid making up stories or deflecting. Kids can sense when you're being evasive, and honesty builds trust.
DO: Validate their feelings. Whatever emotion your child has in response to learning about a boyfriend/girlfriend, acknowledge it. Say things like 'It makes sense that you'd feel that way' or 'That's a really good question.'
DON'T: Don't dismiss their curiosity. Responses like 'You're too young for that' or 'Don't worry about it' can make children feel like their questions are wrong or shameful. If you're not ready to answer, say 'That's an important question. Let me think about the best way to explain it, and we'll talk about it tonight.'
DO: Create an ongoing dialogue. One conversation usually isn't enough. Let your child know that they can always come back to you with more questions about a boyfriend/girlfriend. This makes them more likely to come to you rather than seeking potentially unreliable sources.
Common Follow-Up Questions Kids Ask
After discussing a boyfriend/girlfriend, your child might also ask:
Is it normal for kids my age to have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Some kids start talking about boyfriends and girlfriends in elementary or middle school, but many do not think about it until much later. There is no right age, and you should never feel rushed. Focus on friendships and having fun.
What is the difference between a friend and a boyfriend or girlfriend?
A friend is someone you enjoy spending time with and care about. A boyfriend or girlfriend is someone you also have romantic feelings for, meaning you might feel butterflies in your stomach around them or want to be extra close to them. Both people agree to call each other boyfriend or girlfriend.
What should I do if someone says I am their boyfriend or girlfriend but I did not agree?
You get to decide who you are in a relationship with. If someone calls you their boyfriend or girlfriend and you did not agree, it is okay to tell them clearly and kindly that you do not feel that way. No one can decide that for you.
Why do people at school make a big deal about boyfriends and girlfriends?
Kids are naturally curious about relationships because they see them in movies, shows, and among adults around them. Sometimes it feels like a big deal because everyone is talking about it, but it is okay to not be interested. You get to go at your own pace.
Do I have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend to be happy?
Absolutely not. Happiness comes from many places, like friendships, family, hobbies, and feeling good about yourself. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend does not make someone happier than anyone else. The most important thing is that you feel good about who you are.
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